


Comments to draft Jackson usage reqs., Hammond, USAF

by thealphagate_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-24
Updated: 2006-03-24
Packaged: 2019-02-02 18:32:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12731985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thealphagate_archivist/pseuds/thealphagate_archivist
Summary: George comments on Jack's memo of requirements for any officer who expects to be commanding Daniel in the field.





	Comments to draft Jackson usage reqs., Hammond, USAF

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the archivists: this story was originally archived at [The Alpha Gate](https://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Alpha_Gate), a Stargate SG-1 archive, which began migration to the AO3 in 2017 when its hosting software, eFiction, was no longer receiving support. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are this creator and it hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Alpha Gate collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/thealphagate).

JACK, THESE ARE MY COMMENTS TO YOUR REQUIREMENTS:

General Hammond asked me to write up a list of requirements that cover the task of commanding Dr. Daniel Jackson in the field. Against my, my team's, and our Chief Medical Officer's advice, 

YOU DON'T NEED TO PUT YOUR OPINION IN HERE, I'M QUITE AWARE OF YOUR FEELINGS ON THIS MATTER, COLONEL. MY DECISION STANDS, AND DON'T BE PISSY ABOUT IT!

1\. Firstly, never expect Dr. Jackson to blindly do what you order him to do.

EVERYONE KNOWS HE TAKES ORDERS AS WELL AS YOU DO. THIS IS NOT NEEDED.

2\. Do not waste the time getting angry at Daniel when he does item one above. 

WHY NOT? YOU ALWAYS DO. I'M THE ONLY ONE WITH ANY PATIENCE AROUND HERE. 

If you do, the rest of your team, General Hammond, Doctor Fraiser, the entire SGC, and the Tok'ra as well will all make you feel like shit for harassing him for the next week or so. 

WE DO NOT DO THAT. YOU ARE SCUM WHEN YOU LOSE YOUR TEMPER AT DR. JACKSON.

...I won't mention it because you'll be dead, 'cause I'll kill you myself.

A LITTLE TOO CLOSE TO DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL, THERE, JACK.

3\. Do not let Daniel wear himself to the bone by not eating on a dig, or not sleeping enough. I know what you are thinking. Yes, it IS your job to nursemaid him while he does the job the SGC hired him to do. 

I DON'T REMEMBER NURSEMAID BEING ON THE JOB REQUIREMENT LIST FOR CO OF MISSION TEAMS. I'LL HAVE TO ADD THAT TO IT. 

You will do it because there is no one who can do that job better than Daniel. 

GOOD TO REMIND PEOPLE OF THIS.

You will also do it because if he has dark circles under his eyes or loses even a pound as a result of being on your mission, I, Carter or Teal'c will pummel you to within an inch of your life.

TMI, JACK.

4\. Daniel is a snake magnet. Even more, Daniel is an evil magnet. Every snake, warlord, Destroyer of Worlds, spoiled princess, spoiled prince, scummy addicted bounty hunter, cold-assed Tok'ra snake bitch, crotchety Air Force Special Ops Colonel, uptight Marine Special Ops Colonel, uptight Russian General, etc., ad. infinitum will fall in love with him and want to steal him away from you for his or her own personal pleasure. 

LEAVE OUT THE LAST THREE NAMES, FOR OBVIOUS REASONS. I REPEAT, JACK, MAKEPEACE WAS JAILED FOR TREASON, NOT FOR COMING ON TO DR. JACKSON. NOW STOP THAT.

You will not allow this to happen (with an exception for the Air Force Colonel. You are years too late from stopping that from happening).

O'NEILL, I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO TELL YOU AGAIN ABOUT THIS. TMI.

5\. You will instantly kill anyone who tries item 4 above, except the Air Force Colonel (couldn't if you wanted to), the Marine Colonel (already in jail, and I *did* warn him), and the Russian General (could cause diplomatic incident, which would upset General Hammond).

DELETE THIS ENTIRE ITEM. I'LL KILL THEM, SAVE YOU THE AMMUNTITION. LOTS OF PLACES TO BURY BODIES IN TEXAS.

6\. Teal'c can be extremely bad tempered when his favorite archeologist isn't protected well enough in his opinion.

NOT SURE ABOUT THIS ONE, IT SEEMS TO BE SETTING A BAD PRECEDENT. AND TEAL'C IS A PUSSYCAT. PERHAPS BAITING GOA'ULD ISN'T A GOOD IDEA IN GENERAL.

7\. Think every single thing that Daniel asks you to let him do over very thoroughly! 

YES, DEFINITELY! I AGREE WITH THIS.

Get your science officer's opinion as well, if you have one. I will warn you now, you will have utilize all the discipline you've learned in the military to be firm when you tell this geek no... YOU SHOULD TAKE YOUR OWN ADVICE, COLONEL

8\. Get used to long lectures. Just do what I do, and either hush him up or daydream that you're in Hawaii or something. I imagine that I'm the artifact/culture/person that Daniel is waxing so happily about, and that's what gets me through. Remember, he is way smarter than anyone you know.

I THINK ABOUT MY GRANDDAUGHTERS.

9\. Always bring along a good supply of the gourmet coffee the cafeteria stocks when you go off world with Daniel. They stock that for him. 

I DIDN'T KNOW THE CAFETERIA WAS STOCKING GOURMET COFFEE. THAT'S WHERE THE EXTRA COSTS FOR "MISCELLANEOUS PROVISIONS" COMES FROM!

10\. Do not allow any person to share a tent with Daniel. This is a prerogative that only his SG-1 Commanding Officer gets. If I find out you have let anyone share with him, you're dead meat. The reason for this is that the man snuggles, for God's sake! I don't want him snuggling up to anyone without my prior approval, which you won't get.

DANIEL SNUGGLES? REMEMBER WHEN WE WERE ROOMIES DURING THE TOUCHED INFECTION? YOU WERE ALL OVER ME, YOU DOG.

11\. This may seem as if it is a very long list of requirements for the care and feeding of one civilian consultant. But when he saves your entire team, or finds the meaning of life for you, or, God help you, he actually smiles at you, you will see that he is well worth the trouble. 

THAT MUCH I AGREE WITH COMPLETELY. DELETE THE OBVIOUS D-A-D-T ITEMS, AND I'LL APPROVE THIS DRAFT AS IS.

M. GEN. HAMMOND


End file.
